By Mike Lee
Let's face it, everyone has participated in a difficult conversation. Some have been the recipient of the conversation, some have been the giver of the conversation, and even more have been on both sides at one point or another. Regardless of where you are sitting in the discussion, it can be very uncomfortable, making it difficult for everyone.
I believe that even though there is discomfort, there is growth all-around on the other side of that conversation. Let me give you some examples.
Manager and Employee
Every difficult conversation between a manager and employee has to do with one of them needing to hear something they may not know in order to make a change. Not all difficult conversations in this pairing are about firing or performance. This conversation can cover any topic that needs adjustment. I've personally had difficult conversations with my manager, where I expressed how I felt they needed to step up and take charge of a particular situation, or to back off micromanaging my team or me. This type of conversation cuts right to a manager's management style, but it also allows the employee to express what they need. Regardless of who must hear the "tough" part of the conversation, growth happens. In the example above, the level of trust between my manager and me grew tremendously. We were able to joke about it later, and we still have a great relationship now. I grew in my confidence in speaking up for what I need in a manager; plus, I learned about being open to direct feedback from my direct reports. I believe my manager grew in that he no longer micromanaged me or my team's work. Growth all around.
CSM to Customer
The last thing a customer success manager wants to do is tell a customer "no." It is tricky to do, and if you've been in this business long enough, you will absolutely have to do it at some point. Many times, depending on the magnitude of the ask, the customer will understand the "no" and work through the issue. Other times, a customer will try to use their account status or perceived weight to change the "no." This conversation can and will be stressful; however, there is growth here also. Being honest, vulnerable, and transparent about the reasoning behind the "no" only serves to build trust toward the goal CSMs all have, to be a trusted advisor. Conversely, if we are always saying yes, and then not delivering, we will never be able to build the needed relationship. Although it may feel like it, saying "no" is not a relationship killer, quite the opposite; it helps set boundaries and creates a clear understanding of expectations between the two parties. Customers can grow from this exchange as well. They will begin to trust their CSM's guidance as they understand hearing "no" is an option. It becomes clear that the relationship is not only built on yesses or simply trying to appease the customer. The trust you build easily outweighs the initial discomfort of saying “no.” Growth all around.
Peer to Peer
One of the most challenging conversations you can have is with a co-worker over whom you have no formal authority. Although these conversations can be difficult, I think they serve as a chance for both individuals to grow. Having a difficult conversation with a peer is both important and necessary to help develop the work environment for both. Many will say that it isn't your job to decline something to your co-worker, but having a difficult conversation may be an excellent way to build trust. In some situations, if someone’s behavior is causing a problem, having a co-worker step in may save a disciplinary action from leadership. Within a team, most peers recognize challenges or bad behavior in their co-workers before leadership does, so it can be helpful to address those issues as equals. Although it is a complicated conversation, growth happens to both people here. Trust is gained between peers, and the receiving peer may find grace in learning about an issue before leadership steps in. The peer addressing the issue builds bonds and skills by stepping up and taking on the challenge. Growth all around.
The essence is, we have the ability to build trust and confidence by participating in difficult conversations. No matter the issue, when handled with grace and care, both parties can leave the conversation better than at the beginning. A difficult conversation is both about learning something and fixing that something, and if we all agree to do both of those in each conversation, there will be growth all around.
The Success League is a customer success consulting firm that offers a CSM Certification Program, which includes classes such as Difficult Conversations and Objections & Negotiation. Please visit TheSuccessLeague.io for our full offerings.
Mike Lee - With 28 years as a technical professional, Mike is currently the Head of Customer Success at PublicInput, the leading Software as a Service public engagement platform. He leads the entire post-sale organization including Customer Success, Customer Support, Onboarding, Renewals Management, Professional Services, and Training. Mike also is an Adjunct Professor at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte (UNCC). Mike received his MBA in 2011 from UMASS and is currently perusing his Doctor of Business Administration at UNCC.